Creating intentionality in a long-term relationship takes time, effort, and sometimes, a little extra guidance.
Occasionally, ‘guidance’ can take the form of leaning on a list or a framework.
You may be thinking:
“My spouse won’t respond if I pull out a list of questions!”
“It’s just going to be me responding.”
“I don’t know how to answer these myself.”
“I don’t feel comfortable sharing these.”
“This isn’t how my spouse and I talk to one another!”
“This feels forced and too cheesy.”
And while these thoughts are valid, it’s important to also acknowledge that sometimes, nurturing relationships requires utilizing some communication tools to make space for the kind of experiences you truly want.
Structure can feel forced or disingenuous; however, authentic, genuine, deep connection often doesn't come naturally—whether that’s because you are still figuring out your communication style as a new couple or you’ve spent years getting really comfortable with one another and have fallen into status quo.
Questions are a great way to make space for you both to be seen by the other and really soak up this moment of your life together.
So we want to propose a few anniversary questions to ask your spouse, whether you’re one year in or 30 years into marriage.
Take intentional time to sit together and ask these questions. Stop cleaning the kitchen and turn off the T.V. Sit with each other on the couch, out to dinner, or on a walk. Give the other person time so they know their answers are worth listening to.
Questions to Ask Your Partner On Your Anniversary
What was the best thing that happened this year?
What was the most challenging thing this year?
What was an unexpected joy this past year?
What was an unexpected obstacle?
Pick three words a close friend would use to describe your year.
What were the best books?
What was something that you grew in valuing of your spouse this past year?
What ways did you grow emotionally?
What ways did you grow spiritually?
How did you grow in your relationships?
What was rewarding in your career?
What was rewarding in your home?
Where did you waste your time?
What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
What is one dream or goal you have for this coming year?
Create a statement, or choose a word that describes this past year.
Whether it’s your first time doing something like this, or it’s an additional rhythm you’re adding, Anniversary Questions can help create an intentional rhythm in your marriage.
One final thing to keep in mind: remember that the end goal in asking these questions is to see and know each other better. Don’t worry about trying to get through all the questions; try to have fun with it and enjoy your special time together!
Recommendations:
Engaging Your Quiet Spouse in Deeper Conversations
Mind Your Media: 8 Tips to Raise Discerning Teens
Loving Your Introverted or Extroverted Spouse
